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40 things you'd like to say out loud at work
1. "I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit."
2. "I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to
pronounce."
3. "How about never? Is never good for you?"
4. "I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate
yourself in public."
5. "I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to
see it my way."
6. "I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter."
7. "I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message."
8. "I don't work here. I'm a consultant."
9. "It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word
you're saying."
10. "Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again."
11. "I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and
stupid."
12. "You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers."
13. "I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a
damn."
14. "I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth."
15. "I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had
about you."
16. "Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your
unique point of view."
17. "The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an
artist."
18. "Any connection between your reality and mine is purely
coincidental."
19. "What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?"
20. "I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant."
21. "It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn
off."
22. "Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely
ceremonial."
23. "And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?"
24. "Do I look like a people person?"
25. "This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting."
26. "I started out with nothing and I still have most of it
left."
27. "Sarcasm is just one more service we offer."
28. "If I throw a stick, will you leave?"
29. "Errors have been made. Others will be blamed."
30. "Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed."
31. "I'm trying to imagine you with a personality."
32. "A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door."
33. "Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?"
34. "Too many freaks, not enough circuses."
35. "Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?"
36. "Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done."
37. "How do I set a laser printer to stun?"
38. "I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted a
salary."
39. "Who lit the fuse on your tampon?"
40. "Oh I get it... like humor... but different!"
1. "I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit."
2. "I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to
pronounce."
3. "How about never? Is never good for you?"
4. "I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate
yourself in public."
5. "I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to
see it my way."
6. "I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter."
7. "I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message."
8. "I don't work here. I'm a consultant."
9. "It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word
you're saying."
10. "Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again."
11. "I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and
stupid."
12. "You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers."
13. "I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a
damn."
14. "I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth."
15. "I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had
about you."
16. "Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your
unique point of view."
17. "The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an
artist."
18. "Any connection between your reality and mine is purely
coincidental."
19. "What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?"
20. "I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant."
21. "It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn
off."
22. "Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely
ceremonial."
23. "And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?"
24. "Do I look like a people person?"
25. "This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting."
26. "I started out with nothing and I still have most of it
left."
27. "Sarcasm is just one more service we offer."
28. "If I throw a stick, will you leave?"
29. "Errors have been made. Others will be blamed."
30. "Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed."
31. "I'm trying to imagine you with a personality."
32. "A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door."
33. "Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?"
34. "Too many freaks, not enough circuses."
35. "Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?"
36. "Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done."
37. "How do I set a laser printer to stun?"
38. "I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted a
salary."
39. "Who lit the fuse on your tampon?"
40. "Oh I get it... like humor... but different!"
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Re: 40 things you'd like to say out loud at work
Thu, January 29, 2009 - 9:31 AMI agree with most of these I've been wanting to say some of these to my supervisor for quite some time maybe one eof these days I will try one of these. But in the mean time here is a few you could add.
Are you really that stupid... or do you just enjoy pissing people off?
Do you choose to be annoying or are you just naturally a pain in the ass?
How do I shut you up without throwing you to the wolves?
Can you leave people alone and let them work... or do you just like yelling at people every 5 minutes?
Don't you have your own job to do or do you want to do mine too?
Do you get paid to be the most hated person in the company, or do you just like being the center of attention?
How am I supposed to do my do my job when you keep being a pain in the ass?
Why dont you take that broom and shove it up your ass, and let me finish what I was doing.
I can think of a few places you can put that pen and write up paper.
Go whine to someone who gives a shit because all I hear is blah, blah, blah.
I've tried it your way and personaly, I dont give a shit.. I've tried it my way, and it goes to show your an idiot.
Go tell your problems to someone who gives a shit.
Just because you don't like your own job...doesn't mean you have to embarress yourself too.
Your dirty looks don't scare me... they just make me laugh in your face.
(I've tried one or more of these in the past and unless you can back them up I don't recommend you follow my comedy).
